


Haven't Had Enough

by Moira Bathory (Midnightsecho), sheithfromvoltron (theeShadyLady)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Amnesia, Biting, Blood Drinking, Character Turned Into Vampire, Depression, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Light Masochism, M/M, Medicinal Drug Use, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SHEITH - Freeform, Self-Hatred, Tumblr Roleplay, Vampires, biting kink, i'm a sucker for a very broken shiro okay, may be changing the rating to explicit soon, vague suicidal actions / reckless with own life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 00:12:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11497737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnightsecho/pseuds/Moira%20Bathory, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theeShadyLady/pseuds/sheithfromvoltron
Summary: Despite knowing the risks, Shiro goes out late for a walk. Just to clear his head, not for any other reason. Definitely not in the hopes of finding one of the monsters that claim the city's nightlife for their own. He's not that depressed.And of course, the one night he builds up the courage to go out, is the night a familiar face is wandering the streets. A face that's part of the reason he gulps down his pills by the handful. But he can't blame Keith for that, he can't blame Keith for anything.





	1. Chapter 1

**sheithfromvoltron** :

__ “Are you ready for another bad poem?   
One more off-key anthem, let your teeth sink in.   
Remember me as I was, not as I am.” 

* * *

He wasn’t supposed to be out this late, no one was. To be out after dark was to ask for death, but maybe… maybe that’s why he had stepped out into the night in the first place. Maybe those rumors of murderous creatures lusting for blood were a type of siren song that called Shiro down these dimly lit streets.

Afterall, a person could only run on chemical bandaids and denial for so long until it quit working. Until all that was left was a broken mess of a man missing half an arm and the will to even keep moving.

The feeling of eyes watching him, drew Shiro’s attention to his right and stopped his feet. Dark hair and a leather jacket caught his attention as he scanned for the offending gaze. A twist in his stomach had him stepping off the cement sidewalk and onto the pavement. Cruel curiosity and the hope that maybe, just maybe, it was really  _him._

It had been over a year since he last saw the man, but it wasn’t a face he’d easily forget. Especially not when storming eyes flashed brightly even from across the street and we’re meeting his stare with such force that he finally understood the depth of the phrase ‘eye contact’.

“Keith?” Shiro took another step, glancing around for any other signs of movement  _Why was he out here so late?He knew the danger, why would he risk it?_

He laughed silently at that, still so worried about the younger man though he’d never bothered to truly voice his feelings when they’d actually been friends. Back before they’d drifted apart… or more accurately before Shiro had pulled away to settle into his current lonely and depressed state.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

It wasn’t quiet tonight.  
People were always afraid. They hid in their homes and locked the doors -as if they could get in, anyways- with blinds drawn shut. The people huddled away like the sun when the dark came, and the still silence was only ever broken by the faint noises from television sets or radios.  
Not that anyone on the street could hear it, but at this point, Keith wasn’t really an any _one_ …  
At least, not to the people behind their locked doors and drawn blinds.  
But…  
There was footsteps and breathing tonight, steps that weren’t his own but were distinctly human shaped.   
That was good. He was  _starving_ , and the television set he’d been listening in on had clicked off a few minutes ago.  
They must have gone to bed.

It felt like forever before the footsteps were close enough.  
A human couldn’t outrun him, but they could scream, and that made everything much more difficult… But Keith hated being patient. He hated having his meals ruined by screams or cut short by humans coming to see what the screams were about.  
Their guns, though they didn’t hurt him, still tore into his clothes, and Keith really didn’t want more bullet holes in his jacket. In life, it had been his favorite.  
Speaking of in life, the form and voice were familiar, calling out his name…   
He must have known this person in life, yet his memories were fuzzy at best when he was this hungry.  
He listened for other movement, for cars or other people that might ruin his meal, but everything was still  
Except that heartbeat, and the cold wind he didn’t feel at all.

 

**sheithfromvoltron** :

Shiro stopped cold in the middle of the street. Keith’s usually pale skin that now looked porcelain and eyes blown-out to pitch black told him one thing.

_He should have known._

“Keith? It’s me… Shiro.” The man (c _ould he still be called that?_ ) was obviously hungry and really Shiro shouldn’t be moving closer, but he was. Call it morbid curiosity or maybe just a plain old death wish, but there was something drawing him towards his used-to-be friend.

His heart was racing in his chest, but Shiro wasn’t positive it was fear. He’d never seen one up close, just from what he’d watched out his window and even then he’d only seen a few. He wondered how long his friend had been like this.  _Had it happened soon after he’d pushed him away? Did he even remember that? Did he remember anything? Had he went through this alone? Had he suffered?_  God, he really hoped that wasn’t the case.

“It’s been so long… It’s good to see you, buddy.” Oh, Shiro had always been a cliche when it came to Keith, when they’d known each other he would have given anything so that the younger didn’t feel an ounce of pain or want for anything. So maybe that’s what it was. Maybe those old protective instincts were what had him tilting his head just a bit to the side in the form of a silent offer.

Just a few feet from Keith now and he was sure the other could hear his pulse as it hammered away like it was reaching out for the man over and over. “Keith…” he swallowed, “it’s okay.”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

_Hungry.hungry.hungry…_  
If he were any hungrier, Keith would not even have thought of waiting, as the other crossed the street and walked towards him. It was so odd, for a human to willingly approach, that he almost wondered if this was some kind of trap.  
_But Shiro wouldn’t do that to you._  
Right.  
Hearing his name pulled memories from the haze of hunger. He didn’t remember everything about Shiro, but he remembered feelings. Fondness, comfort, loyalty… Someone he cared about. A care that was stronger than his hunger, and that was saying something.

He took hesitant and careful steps towards Shiro, so as not to spook him. The last thing he wanted was this dinner to get scared. It made things messy, made it near impossible to leave the other alive. The more patient of his kind were fully capable of lulling someone into their arms, draining just enough, and then leaving them with what felt like a hangover and fuzzy memories that might as well be a dream. Keith had always been way too impatient for something like that, though not nearly as impatient as the others in this city. But Shiro was worth trying. Maybe not lulling, because that wasn’t an ability Keith had, but care.

They stood face to face, and the other had yet to run off, so that was a good sign.  
“Shiro…?” he asked cautiously, lightly gripping his arm. He could even smell the blood from here and hear his heart. It was difficult not to bite down right then and there.  
But he needed to calm the other’s heart beat a little more if he wanted to let Shiro walk away. Maybe acknowledging that he knew him would help.

 

**sheithfromvoltron** :

Keith’s voice was a craving he didn’t remember having. The one word —his own name— always sounded best coming from the younger male’s lips and he didn’t know how he’d forgotten that fact. Shiro nearly hummed, wishing he’d say it again as he stared at Keith’s lips… or more accurately and the points of his teeth that he could see peeking from behind said parted lips.

It was strange being on this side of things, from what he’d always heard vampires didn’t wait for their meals to walk up to them. Nor did they take the time to talk, especially not when they were as hungry as Keith looked.

Something like disappointment dropped into Shiro’s chest.

_Was he not good enough? Maybe the metal arm he bored made him seem less appealing, like there was something wrong with him and even blood-lusting monsters didn’t want anything to do with that?_

But Keith wasn’t a monster. Even like this, the label just didn’t fit.

After another disappointing second, Shiro let out a huff. “You’re hungry and I’m offering. Why aren’t you doing anything?” He leaned closer, pulling at the collar of his own jacket. “Just bite me, I trust you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Moira Bathory:**

Shiro sounded almost upset that Keith had yet to sink his teeth into him, but he could not for the life of him understand why.  
Or un-life, rather, since he was dead. The apprehension that had his heart racing was dying down, and that was good. So he was right.  
“I’ll try not to hurt you,” Keith promised, before he bit down.  
He should try this more often. Fear made blood taste sweet, releasing adrenaline and sugar into the blood stream. A relaxed person’s blood tasted more… And with no adrenaline to ruin it, one could be sated with just enough to keep the target alive, if not a little dizzy.  
Knowing that was an effect, Keith carefully wrapped his arms around Shiro to keep him from falling.  
He pulled away when he felt the other’s weight in his arms and let out a sigh.  
It was only then that Keith realized he’d been shaking, and only now stopped, when hunger no longer tore at him.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“I trust you,” Shiro repeated, tilting his head even more to give Keith easier access.

He’d been prepared for the pain, but it didn’t stop the hiss that escaped him when his flesh was broken. Nor did it stop him from flattening himself against Keith as he looked up at the night sky meeting the judging gaze of the millions of stars that looked down on them. He didn’t mind the audience though, actually it was kind of nice having the stars watch him for once, rather than the other way around.

Shiro sighed lazily when Keith released him and had taken a step back. Returning his focus to the man (he’d decided to still consider him a man) in front of him, his eyes weren’t as dark and he seemed steadier, which Shiro was glad for. “Feel better?” this time he did hum, noticing his voice sounded slow and distant.

Taking an unbalanced step closer, he reached a clumsy hand up to brush a trickle of his blood from the corner of Keith’s mouth. His hand stayed in place longer than it should have as his mind slowly wandered, realizing he liked this dizzy feeling, that it kind of reminded him of when he and Keith were younger and would get high on some rooftop at night while watching the stars.

“I miss you,” he mumbled, tipping slightly, but not realizing it until he was leaning against Keith again. “Sorry,” but again he lingered.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

The haze of starvation dissipated, and with it, blackened eyes turned back to their normal violet hue.  Where as the fog in his mind vanished, one formed in Shiro’s, yet he was still  _himself_  enough to ask if Keith was feeling better.  
He nodded in reply. The world felt so much sharper. He could hear beyond the rush of Shiro’s blood in his veins and the beat of his heart. It was all much, much better.

Keith watched Shiro’s dizzy, clumsy movements with fondness. He didn’t mind that his hand stayed a little longer, nor did he mind when he tumbled against him. He worried, yes, but if Shiro was still conscious, then that was a good sign…Right?  
Being told he was missed brought with it a warmth he didn’t even know that he was still capable of feeling, somewhere between concern and pride. But rather than address it, he kept that small joy tucked away in his mind, like one would a photograph of a loved one. The apology that followed it reminded him that Shiro and his safety were his primary concern for the moment.

“We should get you home,” Keith suggested. He wasn’t the only one of his kind, and if Keith left Shiro here, they’d surely swoop in, starving, and drain what little was left. He recalled that the other had been depressed, but regardless of whether or not death was something he wanted, Shiro deserved better… And those assholes didn’t deserve Shiro, either.  
So he’d accompany Shiro to the safety of his home to recover. He’d helped Keith, and it was only fair he repay the favor.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“Yeah, hm… okay.” Shiro nodded against Keith and with more than a little effort he forced himself to straighten up. When he spun to lead the both of them back home, he nearly fell from the rush that went to his head and on impulse he grabbed for Keith.

“I live… same place… Marmora Street,” he pointed in the direction he’d meant to go, still hanging on the man. He’d lived in the same house for three years now (longer than any other home he’d had) and had no doubt that Keith would remember the location considering how much time he’d spent there.

Despite the haze in his mind, slow questions seeped in, but most he was too shy to ask. So they walked in silence until reaching Shiro’s front porch. He’d thought it a little strange that they hadn’t seen anyone, but maybe he just hadn’t noticed. Best not to question their luck.

Fumbling with his keys, before pushing the red door open. He braced himself on the table just inside the door, relieving Keith of his hold, then turned slowly back to look at his friend (yes, friend because he’d never stop caring about Keith even if he wanted to) when he wasn’t followed in. Keith seemed to be keeping just outside the door’s threshold making Shiro tilt his head, cringing a bit at the way it pulled on his wound.

_So maybe the rumor was true?_

Shiro’s tongue flicked out over dry lips, “Keith,  _come in_. I trust you.” He shifted on his feet, moving back a step to make room. “Do you have somewhere to stay?” He swallowed, “I’ve still got that extra bed in the basement, if you want?”

A very weak voice yelled at him for doing this.  _He shouldn’t let one of them in his house, He shouldn’t ask one to stay. He shouldn’t have offered himself up on the street like that._ But this was Keith.

Keith  _wouldn’t_  hurt him. He’d proved as much a few minutes ago, didn’t he?

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Throughout their walk, Keith kept an arm around Shiro to keep him stable. There was no denying that the path they took felt familiar, and he could even vaguely remember the layout of the home, though had no clue what might be in it. It could have changed and he would not know it, because those particular memories were gone.  
A lot of them were, and he was just now wishing that they weren’t.   
He hadn’t really cared beforehand.

Keith watched Shiro wander in with satisfaction. He’d planned to get him home and then leave, but he was being told to come in. He hesitated for a moment, then stepped through the threshold, shutting the door behind him. At the very least, he should see Shiro to bed and get him something to drink.   
Speaking of bed… It surprised him that Shiro offered to let him stay here. He shook his head -not as a reply, but out of disbelief-, and offered a small smile.  
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, but you really don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine,” he assured him and, after a moment of hesitation, resorted to just picking up Shiro entirely.  
“You need to rest, though,” he reminded him, carefully carrying the other to his bedroom and setting him down on the bed. He even tucked Shiro in before turning to get him a glass of water or something.  
Maybe juice, if he had any.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“You never used to be able to do this,” Shiro noted upon being lifted, then slipped his arms around Keith’s neck. “I suppose there’s a lot of things I don’t know about you anymore…” That was a realization he hadn’t had before. 

In his not so infrequent thoughts of the other man, the picture, the story, the qualities of his friend had never changed. He was always the same Keith. The one person he always wanted by his side, but had pushed away even when he knew that was the ultimate betrayal in the other’s eyes.

By the time he was laid into bed, Shiro was almost asleep, but the absence of Keith’s touch —even if it had been colder than he’d known it to be— left him aching with a pain he didn’t realize had lifted from Keith being so near. Curling up, he watched Keith turn away and was going to let him go. He really was, but his voice betrayed him, speaking up before he could stop himself. “I didn’t ask you to stay because I’m worried for you.” It was only a partial lie, he knew Keith could handle himself.  _He’d survived this long, hasn’t he? Well, actually technically, no…_

“I asked because it’ll make  _me_  feel better.“ He could feel his own breath hinging on his friend’s answer as he stared, wide eyed and pleading. “One night, that’s all I’m asking. Just tonight. Keith, please, I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Moira Bathory:**

Shiro’s voice made him stop right at the doorway, and he turned, curious, to listen to what he had to say. Even without the years and years of memories, Keith knew that was, at least partially, a lie. Worrying about Keith was something that was a part of him. But he didn’t bother to bring it up.  
Shiro knew that he knew.

He stepped over to the window, peering at the blinds and how much light they let in before making his decision. Direct sunlight was excruciatingly painful, but the dim light that passed through curtains or drawn blinds was just uncomfortable, not agony. The blinds closed. Not perfectly, but enough that it wouldn’t hurt him to stay.  
“I’m just going to get you something to drink and I’ll be right back,” he informed Shiro as he walked across the room. He wasn’t going to leave… At least, not leave the house nor Shiro alone.  
Weird. He hadn’t really known that his kind could feel concern or care…  But then again, he hadn’t even known much about who he was when he’d first woken up this way. It was slowly coming back to him.

It hardly took Keith a minute to return with a glass of juice for Shiro. He could move ridiculously fast when he wanted to, but even his own speed couldn’t make gravity poor juice faster…. Which was annoying because he was impatient and wanted to get back to Shiro before doubt tried to make him think that Keith wouldn’t be back.  
But he was. And he sat on the edge of the bed, offering the glass to his friend.  
Right. They’d been friends, and that was why Keith felt warmth and comfort near him. He almost felt human.  
Almost.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Shiro didn’t  _want_  a drink, he wanted  _Keith_. He  _wanted_  to know that Keith was okay. He  _wanted_  to inspect every scar and mark that Keith’d received before he’d been changed. He  _wanted_  to tell him he was an idiot for letting Keith go.

He just wanted  _his_   _friend_.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to wait long until a quiet noise came from his throat seeing Keith walk back in. If Shiro’d been able to get the signals to his body to move, he would have met the younger male at the door, but Keith was already moving closer and was at his side by the next breath.

Shiro offered a small smile, taking the glass. He really wasn’t in the mood, but he gulped it down anyway knowing he needed the sugar from the drink to make up for his depleted of blood supply. “Thanks,” he mumbled after setting the glass on his night stand and slowly sliding back down to his pillows.

He watched Keith sitting so careful on the edge of his bed and honestly it sent a small wave of annoyance through his chest, but swallowed it down knowing the distance between them was his own fault. “Can you lay down or something? It’s kinda weird with you just sitting there.” He tried to keep his voice light, but another wave of emotion surged through him. 

And this one he couldn’t fight down.

“I’m sorry, Keith. I’m _so sorry_. I shouldn’t have chased you back then. I was hurting and afraid that you’d end up hating me, so I pushed you away. It was selfish and stupid and I know that’s not an excuse, but I’m just… I’m just… I’m sorry I quit being your friend.”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Keith watched attentively as Shiro drank and set the cup down. Hopefully that coupled with rest would be enough to get him back on his feet properly, and he would, hopefully, avoid going out so late at night ever again. Maybe he’d have learned his lesson.  
There was no doubt in his mind that the others wouldn’t just bite, and if there was even a chance that Shiro might be forced to go through the same agony that he’d had to…  
Well, Keith would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen, but it was still better Shiro just avoid going out altogether… Because Keith would fight the others, but there was no guarantee that he would win.  
Didn’t mean he wouldn’t try, rather than just scowl at them in disbelief like he currently did.

Shiro spoke up, dragging him away from visions of pummeling the others in retribution for all the chaos and misery they’d cost him recently. Lay down? It felt like it was still way too early to rest… But if it was making Shiro uncomfortable, then he slid down from his sitting position to balance at the edge of the bed, so as not to take up any of Shiro’s room.  
The apology made Keith feel guilty, too. He could not remember what Shiro was apologizing for.  He didn’t remember anything of the sort, though he felt that he should. Seemed like something important, and he wasn’t really sure he should even admit that he didn’t know.  
“I don’t remember hating you at all,” Keith said. It technically admitted that he didn’t remember, but he also couldn’t recall ever feeling hate for Shiro.  
“I don’t think I  _can_  hate you. Not even in death,” he joked, though he was entirely sincere about it.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

 _‘Not even in death.’_  It almost sounded poetic, but of course it was simply the urgent situation. Letting out a long sigh, he’d been so sure that his actions had been a factor in Keith’s disappearance thirteen months ago, Well, ‘ _disappearance’_ was a little dramatic… _Keith’s absence_ , Shiro self-corrected. 

And even though something about Keith’s words didn’t settle right, Shiro allowed his mind to gloss over the admission. For now. Just until he was alone and could take apart every word until he understood the meaning of every syllable Keith had spoken this night. 

“You can come closer,” Shiro offered, a quiet smirk lifting his lips as he added, “I promise I don’t bite.” To show he wanted the other man to move closer instead of balancing precariously on the edge of his bed, Shiro lifted his head and scootched his pillow over so they could share it.

His body seemed a little more accustomed to his current deficiency and he could focus a bit better. Keith’s eyes caught his attention (they had done the same when they were teens as well). A deep purple he’d happily drown in at the first opportunity. “You were so hungry… Why did you let it get that bad? …or is it always that bad?”

He shouldn’t be so nosy, he had no right to ask of Keith’s private… dealings, but he couldn’t hold his tongue. Especially not now that an idea was forming in the depths of his tired mind. Reaching out a hand slowly, he traced one of the smaller man’s cheek bones with a brush of his thumb. “How often do you have to eat?”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Keith let out an amused snort when Shiro said that he didn’t bite.   
“No, I do,” he mumbled softly, uncertain whether or not the sound of his shifting closer to Shiro drowned out the words or not. Regardless, he knew that Shiro was probably thinking the same thing, judging by his smirk. He curled up on his side comfortably, even though he wasn’t all that tired.  
In fact, actually feeding helped him feel a lot less lethargic… But staying with the other and letting him ask questions until he was calm enough to fall asleep was worth the discomfort.

“It’s not always like that,” Keith reassured him, although he wasn’t sure that made it any better. Best not to tell him that his last meal managed to shoot him twice before trying to flee… That would just worry Shiro even more.  
Suddenly, he could feel Shiro’s hand on his cheek, and his eyes focused back on the other with curiosity. It’s gentle and sweet… And confusing. But he decided to allow it. Sleepy, drowsy Shiro probably didn’t realize what he was doing, after all.  
“I try to hold off as long as I can. Maybe every month or so..?” At that point, it got nearly unbearable… Yet since he was not the only one to hunt in the area, prey was scarce.  
And loud.  
And sometimes carried guns.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“Mm, okay tha’s not so bad,” Shiro whispered his reply while fighting to keep his eyes open. He liked having Keith here, liked knowing where he was, and that he was  _safe_  (well, as safe as he could be.)

“Use me, Keith.” Nodding, he worked at getting the words out to explain. “It’s like givin’ blood, right? ‘nd that I can do twenyfourr times a year. Hm, so twice a month.”  _Yup, this is a perfect plan_ , Shiro commended himself, when he couldn’t see Keith’s reaction because he’d let his eyes fall closed. “And you won’ haveta be so hungry er take as much ‘nd it won’ hurt no one.”

Plus then Keith would have a reason to stick around. And maybe Shiro would have a reason not to wander the streets at night. His hand was still resting on Keith’s cheek when words no longer slipped out and his breath became slow and even. He’d fallen asleep next to his former best friend and from the outside looking in maybe this looked like three years ago before everything went to shit. 

Before Shiro had lost part of his arm and been honorably discharged. Before he hated the world and everyone in it (except for one person, not that he’d showed it anymore). Before he’d subsequently cut off all his ties to the real world and holed up here to live out his days in an antidepressants fueled stupor.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Keith let Shiro drift off into sleep, let his breathing still and his consciousness slowly slip into dreams. When he was certain the other wouldn’t stir, he carefully and silently slipped away.  
Not far, however. Keith didn’t leave the house, but wandered it instead, hoping maybe the scenery around him would jog his memory.  
Small things came back to him, slowly. They didn’t all make sense, but they did.  
Something about the army.  
School? Snippets of their youth, of Shiro wrapping a bandage around his bleeding hand after he’d knocked some kid out.

They’d been together for a long time, that was certain.  
Keith found himself staring at photos before taking a look around with a different intent.  
The clock claimed he still had time before sunrise…  
He decided to tidy up the house Shiro’s depression had left uncharacteristically filthy.

By the time the sun peaked up from the horizon, he’d tidied himself into sleepiness. One last thing was left for Shiro -a breakfast that did not need to be kept warm- before he curled up on the floor underneath the bed, hidden away in the darkness.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Shiro woke up alone like usual and glared at the ceiling, fishing blindly for the pill bottles in his nightstand. It was Saturday, so he didn’t even have work to distract him. Clapping his hand to his neck, he felt for an injury to confirm the previous night hadn’t been a dream. “Keith?” the name was blurted as his finger touched tender raised skin and the distinct shape of teeth marks. No answer.  _Of course._ How could he have expected him to stay after how he’d treated him before.

Pushing the disappointment away by downing a few more pills, Shiro shuffled to the kitchen and… that was a surprise. The counters were bare, the living room no longer looked like a tornado hit it, and curtains were open.  _Sunlight._  Turning on his heel, he treaded to the darkest place he could think of. His room. First checking the closet, then dropped to his knees to loom under the bed, sighing with relief.

He wanted to reach out and touch his friend, brush the hair from his face but it probably wasn’t advisable to risk startling a sleeping vampire even if he’d known him since he was fourteen and the other was twelve. Leaving him alone, Shiro went back to pick at the breakfast he’d seen set out for him and then went to then a quick trip to the store to but blackout curtains for his windows.

The full the effect of the pills he’d taken finally settled him into a comfortable numbness by the time his new curtains were up and he felt like he’d earned a nap.  _The younger version of himself would be so disappointed in the man (did he deserve that title? He’d been more of a shell of himself lately, like a ghost drifting through the motions…) he’d turned out to be._  Returning to his room, he pulled his blanket to the floor and curled up as close as he could to his sleeping friend.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

When Shiro woke up, Keith was out like a light. His stirring didn’t rouse the exhausted vampire, nor did the call of his name. He slept through breakfast and Shiro’s search for him, and through the other’s trip to the store.  
The opening of the door, the new curtain installation and finally the feel of something being near him woke Keith slowly.   
Violet eyes opened as lazy slits, blinking blearily at the blanket covered shape that was settling next to him.  
“S dark… Is it time to get up…?” he asked softly, noting how little light there was left around him. It didn’t feel like night, though.   
Night smelled different.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Reaching a hand towards the dark shape under his bed, he held his breath. Finding what felt like Keith’s shoulder, Shiro skimmed his hand down to twine their fingers together, giving a light squeeze before letting go. “Not yet, buddy. Go back to sleep, okay?”

Shiro’s mind was on that perfect edge of numbness and tired that made it so easy to sleep his days away. Smiling gently, not sure how well the other man could see him in this darkened room, he hummed letting his eyes close again “I’m just laying down for a while, I’m a little, hmm… I’m a little tired. We’ll get up in a while…”

 

 **Moira Bathory:**  

“Okay,” the lazily creature mumbled, eyes sliding shut again. They didn’t stay that way long, however.  
Cold, rough floors were normal for him. He didn’t really feel pain, so it didn’t really matter where he fell asleep.  
But Shiro was a human, and the floor was hard and cold. He could feel pain, could feel discomfort from laying there… He would wake up sore.  
No.   
That was not okay.  
“You sure you don’t wanna nap on the bed?” Keith suggested, sitting up but not letting go of the other’s hand, “ I can move with you.”  
That was why Shiro had curled up on the ground, right? To nap near Keith?  
And the only reason he’d been sleeping there to begin with was to avoid the sun…  
It was no longer a problem, so he no longer needed to sleep there. Shiro’d gone out of his way to make him comfortable, and since this was his home, the human deserved to be comfortable too.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“No, it’s okay. I’m ok—” but then Keith was offering to come with and Shiro tipped his head forward in a nod. “Okay.”

By now his eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could look down between them. Could see the pale fingers that still held his. He glanced up looking for familiar purple, but could still only make out white. “You gonna carry me, Kogane?”

_That was a mistake._

If only because what had meant to be a simple tease sent warm blood to Shiro’s cheeks and the tips of his ears, leaving him doubting that Keith wouldn’t smell the change.

He removed his hand from the other’s grasp and made an effort to seem like gathering his blanket took the utmost attention then threw himself into bed the second after he was on his feet. Despite his  _irrational_  embarrassment, Shiro also made sure to leave room for the other man both under the blanket and on his pillow.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Shiro’s reaction confused Keith. All at once, he was letting go of his hand and flopping down on the bed before Keith could even say that no, he wouldn’t carry him, because there was no carrying to be done. The bed was right there. Lifting, maybe, but carrying, no.  
Yet there would be neither lifting nor carrying, and he didn’t even get the chance to stop Shiro.   
His speed was, unfortunately, solely in his physical movements, and not in the way his brain processed things like being let go or the sudden change in Shiro’s blood.

He pushed himself up, looking around to make sure that the sun was well and truly blocked, before letting himself carefully flop down onto the bed, half sprawled over Shiro like a cooling blanket.  
“I’ll carry you to dinner,” Keith suggested, nudging the other playfully. “Since you seem to like the idea of being carried.”   
There was no judgement nor teasing in his voice, just playfully veiled sincerity. It was probably rare for him to find people that could lift him like that, so of course it made sense to be excited.  
Especially, Keith vaguely remembered, that Shiro’d been very strong in the past, he always had. Keith was feisty and would fight anyone… But Shiro was stronger than him, albeit much less likely to fight you. It was nice to be carried instead of being the one carrying all the time.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Shiro let out something between a gasp and a cough upon feeling weight settle on his back. He smiled, but it was immediately covered with a frown.

“You don’t— I was just joking, Keith. I don’t need you to carry me,  _I know how to walk._ ” The last part was said with a partial hiss. Shiro recognized himself pushing Keith away with words, just like he’d done a year ago, just like he’d done with  _everyone_. He didn’t really know anymore how to  _not_  push when people seemed like they were getting to close. And if he was nudging Keith away already…

He should just sleep.  _Can’t push people away while unconscious… right?_  “If you’re still here when I wake up, I’ll let you carry me.” This time Shiro couldn’t hold his frown.  _He shouldn’t be doing this_ , he knew that. He shouldn’t be letting Keith back in when he knew himself enough that he was sure to hurt the other man somewhere down the line. Funny that he’d just let this same person tear into his skin and drain him to the point of dizziness, but he wasn’t the one that was risking getting hurt.  _Funny like a plane crash that takes your hand as well as your will to live._

 

**Moira Bathory:**

The reply was uncharacteristically cold, and Keith wondered if he’d maybe said something in a wrong way.  
He had a habit of doing that; of sounding meaner or colder than he actually felt with his words. But how could anyone blame him? It wasn’t like he’d ever really been around too many people, and his parents had left him-  
Right.  
 _“You’re all I have! I won’t be better off without you. I’ll just be lost and alone and scared.”_  
He could remember the sound of his own voice, the last words he’d managed to say to Shiro before he’d been forced to leave by that same coldness.  
Yet he’d seemed happy to see him, at least for the split second that he’d thought Keith was alive.  
“I’m not leaving,” he said sternly, and curled up closer to his friend, hoping maybe his weight would help cement that fact.  
“Not this time.”  
After all,the last time he’d left, he’d stormed out into the darkness of the night and the anger boiling his blood had brought his current state down upon him.  
But Keith decided not to tell that to Shiro.  
It wasn’t something the other needed to know and feel guilty about.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**sheithfromvoltron** :

So much for that numbness he’d been riding, but in a way he was kind of relieved. Almost glad. Glad that he’d gotten to feel fluttering in his chest when Keith told him he wasn’t leaving. Glad that he could feel Keith’s cool frame pressing against him and calming his heart beat.

“Okay,” Shiro mumbled into his pillow, bunching it up between his arms. “Okay, good… that’s good…”

* * *

Sometime later, Shiro’s eyes opened to an even darker version of his room despite not realizing he’d even fallen asleep earlier. His good hand went to his neck again feeling the closed wound almost like it’d become a habit to do so already.

In a weird way he kind of liked the mark.

If it scared, which it was feeling like it would, it’d be the only mark on his body that’d he gotten willingly. That he’d  _asked_  for. And somehow that made him feel a bit more grounded. A bit more  _in control_  of himself. And as weird as the thought of that was, it made him feel better than any amount of pills had in a quite while.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Once again, Keith waited until Shiro’s breathing stilled and he had fallen asleep. The only difference this time was that he fell asleep with him, rather than scurry off and clean.  
Hardly different, really, because both gestures had been to make sure that, when he woke up, Shiro would know that he was cared about. The last thought that passed Keith’s conscious mind was an amusing comparison to his bite being akin to a one-night-stand if he had left.  
It dragged him back into a black, dreamless sleep, that was only broken later on by the shifting of the body beneath him.

This time around Keith’s mind was not nearly as sleep hazy. He rolled off of Shiro and stretched, a loud crack coming from his back and shoulders as he did. These bones weren’t really used to sleeping anywhere that wasn’t flat anymore, and they snapped pleasantly when he got up.  
Blinking in the darkness, he turned to look at Shiro, smiling slightly. Not that it mattered, he was the only one of the two who could see in this deep darkness, but Shiro, at the very least, must have heard and felt him moving.  
“Now it’s night,” Keith pointed out. The world didn’t smell nearly as… Burnt, warm and busy. It was hard to explain, because no human had senses anywhere near what he had that could be used as a comparison, but day and night did smell different.  
It was probably how others of his kind knew to wake up in the past, before the invention of things like watches or cell phones that could tell you what time it was.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“Alright,” Shiro started, sitting up and getting right to business before any part of his mind started bringing up the things that his medication, rest, and Keith’s presence were currently keeping at bay. “One night, that’s what I asked and I know it’s over now, so… so if you want to leave, you can. But if you’re thinking maybe one more night… Well, I just want you to know that both of my offers still stand.”  _They’d always stand._  He’d never turn Keith away. Not again. 

Running a nervous hand through his forelock, Shiro swallowed against the fear of rejection and quickly recapped. “If you need a place, I have a bed. And if you need… a meal, I’m yours to use.”

Pretending he wasn’t red in the face, he gazed at the place where he guessed Keith’s eyes were. “But no matter your choice, you’re still here and I believe I was promised a lift if this situation occurred so kindly get your ass over here, I’m hungry.”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

“Yes sir,” Keith said playfully, moving to his side and picking him up in a flash. From there, he was more than happy to carry Shiro into the kitchen so that the human could eat something.  
It was so much easier, like this, to understand how those around him felt. He could sense every movement, every difference in Shiro’s breathing and his heart rate, whereas before Keith may have been too wrapped up in emotions or whatnot to notice those kinds of things.  Now he could not ignore them, and so he easily noticed how nervous Shiro felt.  
So he decided to address it, rather than pretend he hadn’t.  
“You sounds worried that I’m going to leave and not come back,” Keith commented before setting Shiro down in the kitchen. He clicked the light on for the other before continuing, so that maybe he could see the genuine expression in Keith’s face.  
“The only way you can get me to leave is if you tear the curtains open or try stabbing me with a silver fork. I think you need me just as much as I need food,” he stated, tilting his head slightly. The uncharacteristically messy place, Shiro’s lethargy, the medication he’d noticed on the bedside table…  
Being alone hadn’t treated him all too well.  
He hadn’t been able to be there for Shiro in life, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to abandon him now.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Shiro’s arms automatically wrapped around Keith’s neck (because where else should he have put them?). “That’s because I  _am_.” His reply plain, simple, honest. The brief minutes that he’d thought Keith had left when he first woke we’re worse than any of those he’d been through these last few months.

And it was even that far of a stretch to think Keith would leave.  _He’d done it once already, hadn’t he?_  It may have been Shiro’s own fault, but he’d still left. Completely vanished. For over a year.

“I looked for you… Not the first day, but for three months after that… I was selfish when I asked you leave and even more so when I was looking to get you back… I’ve never deserved you, Keith.”  _I don’t deserve anything._  His voice took on an embarrassing shake as things he didn’t mean to voice tumbled from his tongue. “I need you so badly and it’s terrifying and it hurts and everything just sucks and you  _died_  and I wasn’t even there for you.”

Shiro’s heart dropped at his own words, knowing that he’d just taken what could have been a good moment and dragged it down through the dirt that he now called home.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

The more Shiro ranted, the more Keith’s frown deepened. He wanted to stop him, interrupt that train of thought and tell him how wrong he was…  
But he stood there and heard the other out as all the worries he’d had to carry cascaded from his lips.  
Maybe if he interrupted Shiro, he’d miss something important. And maybe getting everything off of his chest would be helpful, in a way. Get rid of all that guilt, somehow.  
It was just stuff that needed to be said… And with that train of thought, there were things he needed to admit, too.

“The only reason I didn’t come back to you was because  _I died_ … So death is really the only thing that can keep me from being there for you…” he trailed off momentarily, trying to pick the proper words, even though he had always been rather horrible at communicating.  
“You’re not selfish, and you’re right. You don’t deserve me, but only because you deserve so much better. I’m… actually really happy you weren’t there for me when I died. It wasn’t fun.”  
Shiro could have gotten badly hurt, either attacked by keith’s assailants to die a slow and horribly painful death as well or worse… Keith was in an absolute confused frenzy when he woke up, and were Shiro around…  
He would probably have hurt him badly.

“You’re here for me now.That’s all I really care about.” Hopefully Shiro could see things in the same light.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“Keith…” Shiro started, but that was the only word he let out. Keith had let him speak, so it was only right that he do the same. Even if he disagreed with half of it.

“Keith…” he repeated at the end, taking a step closer even though he was probably already too close. “There is  _no one_  better than you. Never has been, Never will be. I’ve known that since we we’re kids.” He knew Keith had never really thought of himself as better than most, but Shiro believed it enough for the both of them.

“I am here,” he promised.“ I’m here as long as you want me, longer than that… I’ll never abandon you again.” Shiro reached out, not able to hold back any longer. Keith and he had always been comfortable, so it should have felt like such a gesture when he laid a hand on the other man’s shoulder, but it did. And he had to swallow against whatever feeling was bubbling in his chest.

Keith was here. He was looking at him. And he was looking back. This was real. He had a purpose again. As cheesy as it sounded, he’d always been fiercely protective of the other man, even if he was more diplomatic about it than Keith who’d decked more than a couple kids for what they’d said about Shiro.

“I’m not… I’m not much anymore, but I’m going to try and fix that.”  _For you. Always for you_. Stepping even closer, no longer leaving any space between them, Shiro wrapped his arms around his friend, pulling him into a hug trying to make up for all the one’s he’d lacked in this last year. “It’s good to have you back, Keith.”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Shiro’s hug surprised Keith greatly.  
It wasn’t an unpleasant surprise by any means, just an unexpected movement he wasted no time in reciprocating. Shiro didn’t seem to see the sharp teeth and cold skin. He still treated him the same as he had ever been, even if Keith didn’t entirely remember who or what he had been before he died.  
Then again, no one remembered every single moment of their lives anyways. He was remembering them slowly, who he was before the pain, and Shiro, despite everything, treated him as he had been, not the monster he now was.  
It was… Nice.  
He hadn’t realized it was something he could still feel. They’d been told that vampires couldn’t feel, but… Maybe no one had ever been alive along enough to ask them. On his own end, he had seen the contrary- both in him, and in others. Sentimental items, staying in specific spots, visiting friend’s graves…  There had even been a fight that broke out between two vampires when one wanted to kill a stray cat.  
They could feel.  
And right now, he felt very happy, resting his head on Shiro’s shoulder.  
“It’s good to be back,” he replied softly. “And for the record, if you weren’t the one saying it, I would punch you for saying something like that about Shiro. No one talks about my friends like that. You’re just as amazing to me as you’ve ever been.”  
An injury? Depression? They could not change what Keith thought of Shiro. He’d always think the world of him, even if he could not entirely remember each detail of their past…

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Shiro’s eyes closed as he held on to the other man for longer than was probably considered necessary or even appropriate. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Keith or he had and it was all just really hitting him now. But it definitely wasn’t Keith talking to him like he was still worth anything that had him looking up at the ceiling to keep the heat behind his eyes from spilling when he finally stepped back.

He still wished he would have found Keith sooner, but at least they’d found each other again. Tearing his eyes away, he moved to the fridge as for once he was actually hungry. There wasn’t much, he’d have to actually go to the store tomorrow, but there was juice and a Compleats microwave meal that was only a couple days past expiration that would have to do.

While it was heating, Shiro lifted onto the counter to eye Keith. The fact that he was dead but still here was strange… He still looked like Keith. Still sounded like him. Smelled like him. Felt like him, though quite a bit colder. “So what do you normally do at night?” Based on last night, it clearly wasn’t eating. The thought made Shiro tremble and run a hand over his bite mark with a sigh, somehow feeling more grounded by having his own mark that he could see and touch and know that it was his choice. “I’m not keeping you from anything …or anyone… am I?”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Keith let Shiro hug him as long as he wanted, with no complaints whatsoever. He was pretty sure the strange smell was tears, so it didn’t matter how long they stayed like this. They could stay all night if it made his friend feel any better.  
Eventually Shiro let go and padded to the fridge, which was absolutely okay with Keith. Humans needed to eat regularly, and he was pleased that Shiro was… kind of taking care of himself.  
Eating was important, especially after having been fed on. He needed to regain all that lost energy. Keith watched Shiro move about the kitchen to finally settle onto the counter.  
He noticed how, as Shiro asked, he touched the mark on his neck. It wasn’t exactly subtle.  
“Not…really. Sometimes I feed stray cats,” he said, and then quickly added “why do you keep doing that? Does it hurt?” it might seem like he wished to avoid the question, but there wasn’t really much to be said about what he did. Normal stuff? Nothing interesting.  
His concern over whether or not the bite was still causing Shiro pain was significantly more important.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**sheithfromvoltron** :

“Oh, uh,” Shiro’s hand dropped back to his lap, “no, it’s… it’s nothing. I just,” but he stopped himself there, “it’s nothing, really.” Keith would think he was weird or some type of masochist if he knew how much Shiro liked having the bite mark. And especially if he knew how much Shiro wanted to ask for another one.

The microwave yelled that it was done a second before Shiro caught it, but even then he didn’t bother getting off the corner. Nor did he leave it when he had to stretch to get a fork from a drawer on the island. He wasn’t exactly hungry now that he had the meal open and was poking at it with his fork, but he could tell Keith was watching so he made the effort to swallow at least some of it down.

“Okay, well, I don’t have any plans and if you don’t really have any,” he began between forced mouthfuls, “do you want to just… hangout and watch a couple movies with me or something?”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

It didn’t look like nothing to Keith, but unfortunately the microwave interrupted him before he could comment on that fact. It was with great reluctance that he crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall rather than ask, only because he wanted Shiro to eat. Asking him a  question would require and answer, and he couldn’t eat when he was talking.  
He did, however, gently nudge the fork closer to where Shiro could reach.  
“That sounds nice,” Keith agreed. He supposed he could always ask later, when Shiro was done eating.  
“D’you want me to carry you there, too?” he asked, a small smirk on his face. If he did, then Keith really didn’t mind it one bit.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“Kind of, yeah.” Shiro grinned back dropping his fork in the sink and using his foot to open the drawer where his garbage was to toss the now empty container inside. Kicking it closed, he glanced at Keith, then his feet. “I kind of feel like watching The Sandlot, if that’s okay?” It’d been his favorite since he was a kid and he’d made Keith watch it with him countless times, as well as the sequel which wasn’t as good, but he still liked it.

“Alright, I have eaten, you can quit looking at me like that now.” Playfully, he then out his arms –much like a toddler who wanted to be picked up— and waved Keith over. “Also stop at the fridge, I need to grab some juice to watch with the movie.”

A thought his him then as he was thinking about how unhungry he’d felt, but how thirsty he was. And he was thinking about how thirsty (hungry?) Keith had looked last night and how he said that he liked to feed stray cats and  _oh…_  “Keith? Do you, like… you don’t…  _eat_  cats, do you?” He hoped it didn’t sound judgmental the way he asked, he was mostly just curious.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Keith rolled his eyes and took a step forwards, then picked Shiro up again. He stopped by the fridge and opened it for Shiro to get his juice before carrying him over to the couch, setting him down comfortably there.  
“I wasn’t looking at you like  _anything_ ,” he retorted, then sat next to his friend on the couch, curling up against the other corner.  
“I feed the cats. Not the other way around,” Keith reassured him. “It’d be a waste to kill them even if they weren’t cute. There’s hardly any blood there, it’d be like… I dunno. Cutting down an entire apple tree only to eat one slice of an apple.”  
So… very stupid and wasteful.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“It’s different being the one that’s carried,” Shiro muttered, leaning his forehead against Keith’s shoulder for the short distance that he was carried to the living room. “I used to carry Pidge around all the time. And I’d carry Matt on my back around the base when he wanted to make her jealous… I see now why they like it so much.”

Frowning at how far away Keith decided to sit, Shiro took it upon himself to flip around and stretch out across the couch, laying his head against Keith’s leg without hesitation or even thinking about it really. “That’s good,” he smiled again, ignoring the comment that Keith wasn’t looking at him in anyway. “I’m thinking we should get a cat. I’ve always wanted a dog, but I think that’ll be too much for me right now. I don’t want to neglect it when I can’t take it for walks or if I’m not in the mood to play. So I think a cat would be good. Quiet, keep to themselves, don’t require much energy.“

Reaching for the remote, he scrolled to Netflix and clicked on the movie, picking up on the topic from earlier like he hadn’t stopped. “It’s weird, I talk about them like it was a long time ago, like we were kids when we were all friends, but that was only three years ago… Though three years ago feels like a lifetime these days.”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

Pidge and Matt… It took a moment to remember who they were. The Holt siblings, blond and short and pretty damn smart. Pidge liked machines and technology and computers.  
He could kind of remember her laughter when Shiro would carry her. Matt was more of a blur to him, however.  
He kind of wondered why.

Shiro laid his head against Keith, and he moved to accommodate him so he could rest in his lap.  
“Cats are nice. But I can always walk the dog and make sure they’re fed,” he suggested, petting Shiro’s hair absentmindedly. It was there, it was soft, and he could. Why not?  
He hummed at Shiro’s mention of how long it had been, yet didn’t comment. Time felt a lot different for him than it would for Shiro… You’d think knowing he now had all the time in the world would make Keith more patient.  
It didn’t.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Laying like this Shiro could almost pretend it was three years ago instead of now. Could almost convince himself that Keith was alive and that they’d still barely spent even a day apart. Could almost act believe that part of his arm wasn’t missing and replaced with this foreign contraption. Could almost pretend that he had any right to harbor the warmth and flutters in his chest that he felt when Keith spoke or even just smiled.

Almost.

But this was now, and even though he could still recite this movie by heart and Keith’s fingers were in his hair like before, things were different. “You’d do that for me?” Shiro asked quietly, as Benny ‘The Jet’ Rodriquez (his childhood crush) protect Smalls from the jeers of the other kids and give the younger boy advice on catching a baseball. He used to think of himself like as someone like Benny, a person people could rely on and someone worthy of Keith looking up to, but know he felt more like Smalls in the first minutes of the movie, awkward, alone, pathetic.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

“I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t do for you.” Though the words were said with a gentle nonchalance, they were entirely genuine. He didn’t make a big deal or production of saying so. It was like saying the sky is blue or that fish lived in water.  
There were few things Keith wouldn’t do for Shiro, and though there were surely some things, none came to mind no matter how hard he thought. From watching this movie again for the thousandth time to taking a literal bullet for him, Keith was absolutely entirely loyal.  
Yes, one could argue that a bullet wouldn’t really do much more than annoy the living hell out of Keith these days, but even if it were to kill him, he’d probably do the same. Probably wouldn’t hesitate.  
“I think there are therapy dogs you could get, too. It’s an option.”

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Keith probably didn’t mean for the words to impact Shiro as much as they did, but they had and it made him sit up. “I’d do anything for you, too, Keith. I know it’s been a long time, but I’ve always… I’ve always cared about you. More than anything.”  _More than myself._

Swallowing, he blinked once. Twice. “Yeah… maybe I should look into that.”  _He should try to get better._ Keith was here now, he needed to be better for him. He deserved it. “Keith,” Shiro leaned forward, heart just beginning to pick up speed when his lips brushed his friends, but then he pulled back, realizing what he was doing.  _Idiot!_ “I’m sorry! I shouldn’t—I shouldn’t have done that.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Moira Bathory:**

Wow.  
Shiro sat up, and Keith’s hand fell back to his side with reluctance. He had hoped that saying that would maybe cheer the other up a little bit, maybe help reassure him that he forgave him and wasn’t going to leave, but… This reaction wasn’t expected.  
Shiro’s words couldn’t really impact him in the same way his own had, solely because even when he couldn’t remember the other, he’d still  _felt_  like this was someone entirely safe and trustworthy. The words, though meaningful in their own right, weren’t a surprise. They were a fact etched so deep that even forgetting didn’t change them.  
So his words, in and of themselves didn’t surprise him, but the way he leaned forward and  _nearly, nearly_ kissed him… That was what surprised Keith the most. But the man jumped back and apologized, leaving him even more confused, tilting his head like a confused puppy.  
“Shiro, relax. Breathe. I can hear your heart,” he reminded him, putting one hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. I-”  
Keith stopped himself and grimaced inwardly. Words. Why did words have to be hard?  
“I… Wanted to… um… Ask you about that, anyways. So… Calm down, and we can… maybe discuss this and, I don’t know, depending on how it goes, you can…  _actually_  kiss me?” he shrugged.  
If only it were so simple to just huff and actually kiss Shiro. He kind of wished he’d done that instead, but maybe that’d make things worse than better.

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“Ask me? What would you—Why… I don’t…” Shiro sighed, giving up. His confusion shouldn’t matter. “It’s not okay, Keith. You shouldn’t even trust me let alone… let alone ask whatever you wanted to ask.” Because Shiro couldn’t accept that Keith could possibly have feelings for him, no matter how badly he’d wished for that very thing when they’d been friends.

“I kicked you out. I abandoned you, even though I  _knew_  how much it would hurt you. …I promised you that I’d  _never_  hurt you, but I did. I did and I left you alone for a year! You shouldn’t let me kiss you. You shouldn’t even let me touch you.” He looked away now, afraid Keith would see the liquid warmth brimming on his eyes. “What if… What if I do it again?”

Shiro hadn’t meant to ramble like this. Hadn’t wanted to lecture Keith on his poor choice in a friend. What he had wanted was to tell Keith just to shut up and kiss him. To ask Keith to make him feel something —anything— other than hollow and useless and  _broken_. But he couldn’t do that.

He couldn’t just use Keith like that.

 

**Moira Bathory:**

He’d been told not to bother asking, and so Keith kept quiet on that front. He listened to Shiro’s rambling with a patience he rarely accorded anyone, even if everything that was being said was… Well.  
Upsetting, but not for the reasons that Shiro seemed to insinuate.  
He let out a sigh, silent for a few moments, trying to find which bit on this tangled mess to unravel first.  
“Yeah well, you shouldn’t have an undead monstrosity sitting on your couch, but here we are,” he reminded Shiro, shrugging to show how little he cared. How little it really mattered to him.  
In fact, he grabbed Shiro’s hand fondly.  
“What if you push me away again? You can try. I’m not budging… Also, you’re currently doing it and might want to stop. It just makes me want to stay even more,” he informed him. Even alive, Keith had been stubborn, but this form made it moreso.  
Oftentimes, when someone told Keith not to do something, that was why he did it… And although alive the exception had been Shiro, he wasn’t anymore… At least, not when he was upset like this. Keith was staying. End of discussion. Push as he may, Keith was immovable…  
Especially with the memory that being pushed was what had caused him to be like this in the first place. His dear friend usually knew what he was doing or saying, but in this circumstance, it was obvious that he didn’t.  
“I’d say I’m sorry… But I’m really not.”

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

Shiro’s features twisted with annoyance,  _why was Keith fighting him on this?_  But he knew, even as he questioned it, if he had to actually ask the question, he didn’t know Keith as well as he’d thought. 

“Keith, stop it. You.are. _not_.a monster.” Pulling his hand from his friend, he ran a finger over Keith’s pale lips to feel contours of his teeth below, “This doesn’t change who you are in here,” his hand moved to Keith’s chest, holding the fabric above his heart.

He didn’t feel it beating.

Closing his eyes, Shiro huffed. “I don’t  _want_  to push you away, I’m just… I’m scared. I’m scared what will happen if you stay, but I’m also scared of what I’ll do if you don’t… so I guess I’d rather you be stubborn and stay, so that’s good. Don’t be sorry.”

He was talking in circles at this point and wishing he’d shut his mouth because it wasn’t like him to ramble. Huffing again, he tipped forward and leaned his forehead to Keith’s shoulder, hoping the contact would help calm him. “Let’s just start this over. What were you wanting to ask me?”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

_You and I both know that I am._  
He decided once again just to not say a thing, however. Shiro knew what Keith was. It wasn’t like he was hiding it, and if he wanted to be in denial, then that was his burden to carry. Keith had been honest.  
Shiro changed the subject before Keith could reassure him. No words were said on the subject other than Keith chuckling quietly when he put a hand on his chest.  
 _I hope you realize there’s nothing there,_  he thought at Shiro.

Now that he was leaning against him, Keith wrapped his arms around his friend. The window of opportunity for words had passed, and so this was the only way he could hope to be reassuring. That was okay with him, since he was pretty shitty with words anyways.  
“It’s okay. I think this conversation kind of answered my question, anyways,” he replied quietly, and was going to leave it at that, but figured Shiro had the right to know.  
“I don’t remember a lot from being alive. It’s coming back, but it’s slow, and I was just… Wondering if we’d been more than friends before this. But I kind of understand now.”

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

This was weird. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.   
 _He_  was supposed to hold Keith.  _He_  was supposed to be the supportive one. Keith was supposed to be  _alive_.

But the world doesn’t run on the imaginings of teenage boys in love with their best friend.

This is what they had and as wrong as Shiro thought it should have felt, he couldn’t bring himself to pull away. In fact, he moved a little closer, letting Keith’s words sink in before he commented. And when he finally opened his mouth the question came out in a whisper:

“Did you remember me before last night?”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

“No,” he admitted, knowing that probably wasn’t the answer that Shiro wanted to hear. That he’d spent all this time not even knowing that there had been someone so close to him that actually cared and missed him… Or maybe Shiro would feel sad that he’d forgotten him?  
However, Keith didn’t really want to lie to him. That seemed even more unfair. And yet, there had to be some way to make it better, right?  
“Seeing you kind of… brought some of it back. Just… Feelings, or instinct or something like that at first. Like even though I couldn’t remember, I still… Knew you were someone good and trustworthy, if that makes sense? “ it hardly made sense to him, neither now nor at the time.  
Instincts, maybe. The memories weren’t really gone after all.  
“ I don’t know if that makes you feel any better. “

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

All this time Shiro’d thought Keith hated him. That the other had up and left town fueled by pure betrayal and abandonment. And finding out that wasn’t the case was a selfish form of relief. Because maybe Keith didn’t remember the depth of Shiro’s act. Maybe he wouldn’t remember that Shiro had thrown every bit of trust Keith had given him back in his face simply out of self-pity and hatred.

A smaller part of him was disappointed, realizing that the person he’d spent nearly everyday with for nine years had had no memory of him until less than twenty-four hours ago. But then again maybe it was those nine years that were bringing Keith back to him.

“Yeah, it does actually.” Pulling himself farther into Keith’s lap (only to make up for the distance of lost time by decreasing their physical distance) Shiro elaborated, “You used to talk about believing that we’re all made of… what’d you call it,” Shiro racked his brain, because as much as Keith liked talking about things like that and as much as he loved to listen, sometimes the words didn’t really resonate when he was too caught in the wonder of Keith’s eyes, “… of cosmic dust. So maybe some of your star stuff is still on me and that’s what made you feel like that?”

 

**Moira Bathory:**

“Maybe you’re just  _that_  important to me,” Keith replied, smiling slightly as Shiro snuggled in closer. He remembered talking about something like that, both with Shiro and with Pidge. More importantly, it made him feel a little bit better, too. Even though the pieces were a little bit changed, he was still himself; still made of the same bits and pieces he had always been, even before all of this.  
They were just… a little different.  
A little forgetful.  
“To be honest, I woke up not remembering  _anything_ ,” he informed Shiro. It wasn’t just his best friend that he’d forgotten, but even his own name, whether or not he’d had a family or where his home might have been or what he had even been doing. “You’re the first person I did.”

 

 **sheithfromvoltron** :

“Keith, I- I...”  _I should have went after you_ , Shiro commented, but only to himself, not wanting Keith to have to argue that it was good he didn’t come with or make him feel bad (worse?) that this happened.

“...I, Keith,” his tongue was tied which was aggravating because he usually wasn’t the one to have trouble with words. “I wanted us to be more,” finally the words tumbled free. “I loved being your friend, but I’d wanted more for a while... since before...” Shiro’s eyes flashed to his prosthetic for a moment then locked back on Keith, “before I left and I should have told you and I know we can’t just pick back up right where we left off, but I still...” damn, he was losing his nerve now, but he was determined to force every word out until Keith understood.

“I still want you.”

**Author's Note:**

> find us on tumblr @sheithfromvoltron and @red-e2fite


End file.
